


Let It Happen On Its Own

by RannonSolo7



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex Talk, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 11:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RannonSolo7/pseuds/RannonSolo7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between the victory tour and quarter quell. Katniss and Peeta are still sharing a bed and things get heated when Mrs. Everdeen catches them prompting some awkward sex talks from her as well as Haymitch. At least they get some good advice before their first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let It Happen On Its Own

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Suzanne Collins.

I have to force myself to relax my hand and release the cool white sheet that is fisted so tightly in my grasp. My stomach is churning and I can feel a wave of heat and nausea sweep through me. It is happening again. The terror is rising and soon I will not be able to control my trembling or the dry heaving that will rack my body. I have not slept more than a few hours at a time in my own bed since I returned from the victory tour. How could I? Snow is going to kill everyone that I love and I am just waiting for the shoe to drop. I feel the panic welling from within and without thinking further jump out of bed and throw on my robe. Luckily, my mother and sister could sleep through a war so they do not hear me as I hurry down the stairs and sprint across the lawn of the Victor’s Village. 

I need to see him. If I can touch him and see that he is real and that he is fine I know that I am too. I enter his house without knocking and take the steps two at a time. I am hoping to snuggle in close to him and fight the demons raging inside but I am not strong enough to ward them off tonight. He looks up as I stumble through the bedroom door and barely make it to the adjoining bathroom when I vomit mostly in the toilet but some on the floor too. When I have expelled the full contents of my stomach I hang my head as I sit on the tile floor and cry. Peeta does not bother to put on his prosthetic and hops on one foot into the tiny room before pressing his back to the wall and sinking to the floor. He has a towel in his hand and uses it to wipe my face before mopping up the floor and throwing it in the basket. He puts his arms around me gently from behind and pulls me into his lap. 

We sit that way a long time until my body has cooled and my stomach has settled. I get like this. All of the bad just builds up inside of me and I have to get it out. He knows it and does not try to comfort me with words. Instead, he positions my back to his chest securely so that I can feel his heart beating in a steady strong rhythm. He knows this will calm me after an episode. I match my shallow shaking breaths with his deep and measured ones and the tension eases from my coiled muscles. He is so unbelievably patient with me. We have been through this a dozen times since the tour and he never once complained. A few nights ago the bile came coursing up without warning and I vomited all over his bare back in the darkness. I was mortified but he just got up and carried me to the shower and let me clean myself off while he changed the bed linens and tucked me back in before scrubbing the awful smell from himself as well. 

He nuzzles the side of my head slightly and whispers in my ear “You ready to lay down now Katniss?” My heart sinks a little bit in my chest. I have failed to be strong enough for him again. He is going through the same thing and I am the one falling apart. I am disappointed with myself and in the back of my mind I have to admit that I am a little disappointed in his choice of words too. Last week he had whispered to me similarly and called me darling. I am not sure if he even knows he said it but I have spent an embarrassingly large amount of time thinking about it since and he has not repeated the endearment. 

I nod and we both make our way to his bed. It is identical to mine except for the tent he has constructed around it made of several extra sets of sheets that we found in the closet. I slip into our little haven and rest my cheek on his chest while my hand finds his and our fingers intertwine. He built this for me after I told him that I missed the cave. It is insane that any memory from the games should bring comfort to me but I felt safe there with Peeta and the sheets give me a similar feeling of seclusion. In our own little world I can relax and let myself need him. The last thing I remember before I doze off is his scent. He smells like Peeta and that means that I am safe and that no one will hurt me. 

There is a chill in the air when I open my eyes hours later but my body is plenty warm. It will be dawn soon and I know that I should go before my mother discovers my absence but I feel so good. It is too soon to put an end to anything pleasurable in my world of fear and pain. Sometime in the night we have shifted positions and he is now spooning me from behind. I can feel his hardness pressing against me and I smile to myself because I know that it is his proximity to my smaller body that has caused it. He knows that I am awake but we are reluctant to break the spell. I hold my breath as his hand lifts the hem of my gown and comes to rest on my bare stomach. He strokes the skin just above my panties and I think I know what he wants, what he thinks about long after I have returned to my own bed. Suddenly, his distinctive masculine smell that had been so comforting last night provokes a much different reaction between my legs. I feel a rush of warmth as he slides his palm up my side and gently cups my breast in his hand. I close my eyes and moan. I wish I could see his pale hand on my darker skin. The contrast the image provides me makes me grind myself on his erection. 

The needy feeling in the breast that he is not caressing causes confusion to muddle my thoughts. I do not want to desire him this way. I already need him to feel safe; needing him to feel whole will make me even more vulnerable. I cannot give him this much control. He notices the change in me and because it is Peeta he cannot let it go. “I can stop, just tell me.” My body does not want him to stop but my mind is still resentful of the situation the capital has put us in. I haven’t been stopping his wayward hands since our return because he deserves this and because I am curious. He cannot be with another woman without cheating on me and the thought of him touching someone else makes me shake with rage and fear. I will not let him experience this without me and I cannot expect him to live his whole life without knowing physical love. I am not sure I want to live without it either. 

I sound angrier than I feel when I answer him. “Take what you want to take from me Peeta. I am your fiancé. My body will belong to you soon enough.” He turns me in his arms and pulls me on top of him. I am straddling his hips and trembling with new found sensation when he tells me “Only if you give it to me. I won’t take it if it does not come from you.” He pulls me down for a wet kiss and our teeth collide and our tongues stroke as I dry hump him shamelessly until I hear a sound that startles me out of my hormone induced mania. “Katniss Everdeen!” my mother shouts from the bedroom door. I move off of Peeta with lightning speed and slide out of the side of our nest to find my very angry mother standing beside the entrance with her hands on her hips. “Get back home this instant young lady” she scolds and gives Peeta a withering glare that I am sure he can’t see before turning and escorting me back to our house. 

She sends me upstairs to change and I take my time trying to find words to explain my actions and do not emerge again until I have heard Prim leave for school. I am not surprised to find my mother waiting in the kitchen for me but I am shocked to see Peeta sitting at the table. “Peeta has decided to be a part of this conversation as well” my mother says. I know that we are in for a lecture but I do not want to discuss my love life with her, especially not with Peeta here. “You two may be engaged but you are too young and you are not married yet. You shouldn’t be sleeping together, now there could be a baby. How long have you been sharing a bed?” I look at the floor. “Since the victory tour” I manage to get out. Her eyes widen. “That has been weeks Katniss. Your father would be so ashamed.” Those words hurt me deeply and they cause Peeta to spring into action. 

“Mrs. Everdeen you don’t understand. Katniss didn’t do anything wrong. We haven’t done anything. She just needs comfort and someone to be there for her. Can’t you see how she is struggling? She hasn’t been right since the games and I don’t know how else to help her.” This if the first time I have heard him say that I am sick and how powerless it makes him feel and I am so embarrassed by all of it that I wish I could just disappear. I expect my mother to calm at the knowledge that she will not be a grandmother soon but instead she pushes back at him. “Putting your hand up her skirt is not going to help her deal with her problems. I have a good mind to talk to your father about this.”  
This causes Peeta to laugh. It is a snide and sarcastic sound that I have never heard from him before. “That is an empty threat if I ever heard one. Trust me Mrs. Everdeen I know the last thing you are ever going to do is talk to MY father, especially about sex.” This leaves her speechless and gives me the opening to tell her “Haymitch knows, he said it was ok.” This brings her back with a vengeance. “Since when did Haymitch start deciding what is right and wrong for this family? He is not your father. You two are not to be alone anymore. Peeta may visit when Prim or I are home and you most definitely are not to go over to his house again. You are still a child Katniss.”

I am panicked now and starting to breath faster. Peeta senses the start of an episode but instead of holding his ground he stands up and heads out the door. I am confused about his sudden abandonment but then I see him running across the lawn to Haymitch’s. My mother is still scolding me when he returns with our mentor several minutes later. Haymitch seems relatively sober for once and I can tell that he is still trying to wake up. I am really surprised that Peeta was able to convince him to come over and even more shocked when he puts a hand on my mother’s shoulder. “Lilly, let’s talk about this. I know why you are worried but I don’t think you are seeing it from the right perspective.” My mother looks up at him and her eyes narrow in resentment and skepticism but she dismisses Peeta and I so that they can talk privately. 

Peeta walks out the front door and I go up to my room. I sit on my bed and a moment later hear him tapping at my window. He has climbed up and is sitting outside on the roof. I open it up for him but question “Do you really think this is a good idea? Haven’t we gotten in enough trouble for being in each other’s rooms for one day?” He snorts and nods toward the door. “Don’t you want to know what they are saying about us?” I agree and we slowly and silently creep down the stairs to listen in the hall outside of the kitchen. Their voices are low but I can still make out the words.  
“She’s fine Haymitch she just needs some time to get over everything that has happened. She is so young and she barely knows him, I’m not sure that the decision to get married is the right one and they definitely should not be having these sleepovers.” I can hear Haymitch snap his fingers. “What planet are you living on Lilly? She isn’t fine and she is never going to be fine again. She can do better than vomiting every day but not if you are going to live in denial like this. She needs the boy and he needs her. They’ve been through hell and back and they only have each other now. God knows you can’t face it and the kids family bailed on him a long time ago.” I slip my fingers through Peeta’s and strain to hear my mother’s words as she says disbelievingly “Leven would never abandon his son. He is not that kind of man.” Haymitch snorts at this. “You haven’t known him in a long time Lilly and you don’t know what kind of power the bitch holds in that house. They all but cut him off after the games and when he proposed to Katniss he knew his mother would end it completely. You know she hates you.”

This is news to me and my eyes find Peeta’s and he shrugs. I knew they were distant but I had no idea they had ended their relationship with him for being with me. This boy has given up so much for me and I am still holding out on being his girlfriend around the district. It turns my stomach to think of the things he has sacrificed and endured for a relationship that brings him very little. Hearing it stated so clearly makes me want to change it. I want to hold his hand while we walk to the meadow, kiss him while he sits with me in the hob, and let our whole class watch him take me to the slag heap. He deserves it. He deserves to have at least one person who loves him and who claims him as her own. 

When Haymitch continues his voice is calmer. “You talk like there is still a choice. They aren’t engaged because they love picking out bridesmaid dresses. They are doing this to stay alive and to keep you alive. This is going to happen Lilly and there is no stopping it. Snow is going to insist on that wedding soon and it will be huge and on every screen in Panem and then he is going to insist on a baby.” His words shock me even though they shouldn’t. Of course they will want a baby. People love watching the children of victors return to the arena and for the first time ever they will have the opportunity to watch the child of two victors from the same games. 

I can hear my mother crying softly now as the truth of his words sink in. “I want to protect them too but there is only so much a mentor can do. This star crossed lovers scenario ensured that they are not being sold in the capital and that is a huge win for Katniss. It was never going to be an option for her to be left alone. It’s good that it will be the kid. He loves her and he will be gentle. Think about it this way. They haven’t had sex yet, at least that is what the kid told me. They’re clearly finding their way into each other’s beds and I am sure making out and heavy petting based off of what I have seen. Let it happen on its own. It will be so much easier for her that way. Better that she takes those steps as she wants to with the boy she likes than at the capital’s insistence in front of an audience. I don’t want to force them Lilly.”

I am blushing a hundred shades of red at what Haymitch knows about what we have done when I hear my mother reluctantly agree. “I need to talk to her so that the baby doesn’t come sooner than it needs to” she says. “Can you talk to Peeta about the responsibilities of the man?”Haymitch laughs at this. “I think the kid knows what hole to stick it in.” I am surprised to hear my mother laugh at the crude joke before clarifying “I mean about the first time. He won’t be able to hear it from his Father under the current circumstances.” Just before we sneak back upstairs I hear Haymitch acquiesce. “Yeah, I can talk to him about how to get her ready for the big event.”

We can barely look at each other when we return to my room. “What does Haymitch mean about you getting me ready for the big event?” I ask. He looks at the floor sheepishly. “I am not 100% sure but I think I know. I’ll tell you after I talk to him.” I nod and he takes my hand again. “Listen to what your mom tells you about you know… about what to do so that you don’t get pregnant.” He kisses my cheek and ducks out my window and all I can think about were his last words. He plans to take me and I plan to let him, this is crazy. I didn’t want this a week ago but hearing it explained so plainly today changed my mind. The capitol is not going to let me keep my virginity and if I cannot keep it I want to give it away on my own terms and I want to give it to Peeta. He is my partner; he has been since the second his name was drawn from the reaping bowl. Maybe even since the moment he tossed me the bread. 

That night after Prim is in bed my mother asks me to come and sit by the fire with her. She motions to the floor in front of the rocking chair and I sit cross legged while she removes my braid and runs a brush through my hair like she did when I was a young girl. I would normally never allow her to baby me like this but I know she wants to talk about sex and this way I will not have to look her in the eye while she explains things. I know a little bit about it from health class at school and from hearing other girls talk about their adventures at the slag heap but I missed a lot of days when I needed to be hunting and gathering and I often ignored those silly girls because sex was something I was never going to be involved in. “Katniss, what do you know about making love?” my mother asks. I think about it for a moment and almost die of embarrassment when I tell her “It’s when a man and a woman kiss and touch each other and then he puts his thing inside of her.” She lets out a long breath and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Yes dear, that is the basics of it. How much of that have you done with Peeta?” I hang my head and look at the floor. “Just the kissing and touching part.” 

My mother stops brushing my hair and tries to turn me to face her but I refuse to budge so she just continues to question me while I concentrate on my toes. “And where has he touched you honey?” I don’t know why but I feel like I am going to cry as I answer honestly “My stomach, my breasts, and his parts on my parts through our clothes.” I expect her to accuse me but her voice is soft when she asks “And how did being with him like that make you feel?” I don’t want to talk to her about this but I also want someone to confirm for me that I am normal and that I am not bad for the things he has made me feel. “It was a little scary at first but now it makes my body hot and it aches and it makes me think about him a lot.” Now my mother insists on turning me around to face her and she lifts my chin with her hand so that I can see her eyes when she tells me “That’s good. It’s okay honey. That is just your woman’s body telling you that it wants to be with your man. There is nothing wrong with feeling those things for Peeta, it will make it much easier for you to be a good wife to him. Do you understand what part of making love causes a baby?” 

I feel a rush of relief that my mother thinks my feelings are normal and she doesn’t seem mad anymore. Maybe what has been going on between us happens to everyone. I think about the baby question. “The part when the man puts it inside.” My mother nods. “Yes, more specifically when the man comes inside of the woman.” I must look confused and if truth be told I don’t really know what she is talking about. “Katniss, you said that you and Peeta have been close and I am sure when I walked into his bedroom the other day that you were. I am guessing that you noticed when you lay with him like that his penis gets hard and erect.” I don’t think I can handle this conversation any more so I cover my face with my hands and groan “Mother, I don’t want to talk about this.” She removes my hands from my face and calmly holds them in hers. “If you are old enough to do it, you are old enough to learn enough about it to make good choices.” 

Her logic is sound so I nod my head hoping that she understands that this is me agreeing and also acknowledging that I have felt him hard against me in our bed. She must because she continues to explain “A man gets an erection when he desires a woman. It just means that he is sexually excited and wants to have intercourse with her. If he gets enough stimulation and is really excited he will ejaculate. That is when a white sticky substance comes out of his penis. If this happens inside of the woman it is the sperm in that white fluid that makes the baby. I can make a tea from some herbs that will keep you from getting pregnant when that happens but you have to drink it every day. I think you should start tomorrow.” This is moving too fast for me and I shake my head. “Wait a minute, what if that isn’t something I want to do. What if he doesn’t want to do that to me either?” My mother smiles at me and pats my cheek. This is the first conversation since I was 11 years old in which I feel like the child. “Katniss, he already does want to do that with you and you will want it too when the time comes. It’s nature, he is your partner and he is going to want to mate with you. He is an attractive boy, you are going to want to mate with him too.” That makes us sound like animals but I don’t want to argue with her because I don’t want this conversation to last any longer than it has to. I thank her for the talk and start to head upstairs when she stops me. “You don’t have to run over there in the middle of the night. Prim is in bed, take some of your clothes and keep them there but try to be a little discreet for her sake.” 

A short time later I open Peeta’s front door and sneak my way up the stairs. It is much earlier than I usually come over and I wonder what he is doing right now. He wasn’t in the kitchen so he is not baking and I pass his art studio on the way to his bedroom and I don’t see him there either. When I swing open his bedroom door I am momentarily shocked before he covers himself. He is laying naked on his bed fully erect and he is stroking it with his hand. I expect him to say something but he just covers his face with the comforter and stays quiet for so long that I am afraid he is mad at me for walking in on him. I am embarrassed too but I don’t want to go home and sleep alone tonight so I walk over to the bed and slip in beside him pulling the curtain of sheets down to hide us from the outside world. “Peeta? It’s okay that I saw you naked, we are going to get married you know.”

He turns to me and peeks out from under the covers. “I’m not embarrassed about you seeing me naked, I just… it was awkward. I was touching myself. I wasn’t expecting you this early.” I smile at him hoping to alleviate some of his nerves and take his hand in mine. “Me and my Mom talked and she said I can stay here now as long as I don’t advertise it to Prim.” I can tell that surprises him. “That was a pretty big change of heart. What else did you talk about? Did she tell you about… you know… what she told Haymitch she would.” I don’t know why but his awkwardness causes me to giggle. “Yes” I answer shyly. “She told me what actually makes a woman pregnant and she is going to have me drink a tea so that I don’t. She said that you already want to do that to me.” My voice rises at the end of the statement making it sound more like a question. 

He is serious now and he brings his hand to the side of my cheek. “I do Katniss. That is why I was touching myself before.” I prop myself up on my elbow and look at him. “My Mom told me that if it gets good enough for you that stuff will come out of it.” His eyes get huge as he listens to me. “You didn’t know that?” I shake my head but my curiosity wins out over my embarrassment over my lack of prowess. “Will you show me? Will you show me how it happens?” His eyes are black with desire when he asks me “You want to see me jerk off?” I didn’t realize how sexy he would find this but now I can see that it is making him hard again. “Yes” I whisper. “I want to see it come out of you.”  
“Oh God Katniss” he groans pulling the cover down so that I can see him completely. At first I think it looks a little strange but as he pulls and tugs on it and I hear him panting and groaning my name staring at it begins to make me ache between my legs and I want to touch it. I also want to help him but I am unsure what to do. I remember Gale talking to Vick when he thought I wasn’t paying attention about how hot a girl was and how cool it would be to see her naked. I also know that I am sure enjoying what I am seeing right now so I sit up and pull my nightshirt off so that he can see my breasts. This causes him to speed up the motion of his hand and in a few strokes he is tensing up and grunting a few obscenities along with my name as a milky fluid spurts from the end of his cock. Watching it spill on his stomach and hand causes a strange aching swell that I have felt before but never this intensely between my thighs. I reach out and touch it hesitantly. It is sticky and I marvel at the fact that this substance that Peeta just made could give me a baby. 

After he cleans himself off and puts on a pair of boxers he returns to bed with a big grin on his face. “That was crazy. I loved it, but it was crazy.” I decided not to put my shirt back on and instead arranged the comforter to cover my breasts and tucked it beneath my arms. “So did Haymtich come and talk to you. What did he say?” Peeta’s smile fades as he nods his head. “He told me that the capital will want us to marry soon and that they might even insist on filming us having sex. Snow is also going to want us to have a baby. He said it is better if you are at least comfortable with me that way before it has to be in front of the cameras. He’s afraid it will make you even more sick if they have to force you to be with me. He thinks it is better if I try to get you to start doing it with me now before they can push us and tell us what we have to do to each other.” I nod and kiss his forehead. “You won’t have to force me. I understand and my body wants it even if my mind is still catching up. Is that what he meant by getting me ready for the big event? He wants us to have sex before the wedding?” 

Peeta coughs a little nervously and looks away before turning back to meet my gaze. “Not exactly, I guess it hurts the girl some when it is her first time because you know my dick has got to fit inside you and no one has ever put anything that big in there before. At least I don’t think so, I mean maybe you have but I don’t think you have ever been with Gale like that before if you did not know what cum is.” I am a little upset that he would think that Gale was even a possibility but I know that I have done things to make him insecure about it so I let it slide. “No, nothing has ever been inside of me, ever. So he told you that you are going to hurt me?” I am feeling apprehensive about it now because I have seen how big he can get and I doubt that it will feel good. He smiles at me then and reaches out to run a hand through my hair that is resting on the pillow. “It’s ok darling, he told me some things I can do so that it is better for you. I have to break the skin inside you that makes you a virgin and it will probably bleed some but it doesn’t have to be awful. I can make sure it feels good too and it is only the first time and then that skin will be gone.”

I don’t care about what he just said because he called me darling again. I am smiling at him like an idiot and I pull him close and kiss him before he can continue. His lips are soft and they feel great as they move against mine. His lower lip feels a bit fuller so I take it between my lips and then suck it into my mouth a bit. The action makes my body ache even more and after a few more passionate kisses I break away from him. “I need something Peeta” I plead to him. “My body aches and I need you to do something else. Something more.” His hands span my ribcage and then slide up to the sides of my breasts. “Haymitch told me to touch a spot on you with my fingers and my mouth that will make you feel good. It will make you wet down there. I’ve heard my brothers talk about it too. Can I? I think that’s what you want.”

I know the wetness he is talking about. I have felt it a few times off and on as I have gotten older and then I was flooded with it in the cave and sometimes woke up sticking on the victory tour as well. I nod at him and bend my knees and spread my legs apart. I have no experience, but I’m not stupid and I know the spot he wants to touch is either in or near my vagina. My underwear is already damp and I almost sit straight up when he reaches over and runs two fingers over the spot with a small circular fluid stain. “Peeta” I cry out into the stillness of the room. He smiles confidently and rubs me a few more times through the cotton before pulling my panties down. He moves down so that his face is between my thighs and he is looking directly at my most private parts. I would be horrified because even I have never seen that much of me but he looks totally in awe. He reaches out and traces a path down my slit before telling me. “You are so fucking beautiful.” 

Hearing sweet Peeta use that dirty word makes me throb even more and I instinctually lift my hips to him to do something about it. He reaches out tentatively and rubs around my opening until he finds a place that makes me gasp. I watch in wonder as he puts both fingers in his mouth and covers them with saliva before returning them to my swollen nerve. At first he moves them back and forth before he learns from my moans that a circular motion is better. My head is thrown back and my eyes closed as my whole being is reduced to the small motions of his hand on my body. I am so turned on by our conversation and by the knowledge that he had been masturbating when I came in that it only takes a minute or two for me to feel all of the tension release in a pulse of intense pleasure. He keeps rubbing as I pant his name over and over until I reach down to still him and relax in a pile of fulfillment. 

He goes to the bathroom to wash his hands and returns with a warm rag that he hands to me. I wipe down my body and shake a little finding how sensitive that part of me still is. “What was that you were touching?” I ask him. “I didn’t even know my body could do that.” He hesitates before replying. “It’s called a clit. It’s the part of a girl that will get her all excited if you touch it right.” His knowledge of this and his ability to make me come so fast make me nervous and start a panicked internal dialogue. How did he know this and why was it so easy for him? How many other girls did he do that to? Picturing some blond merchant girl taking his hand and bringing it between her legs to show him how she likes it has suddenly become my worst nightmare. He must recognize my change in mood because his eyes look concerned as he asks me “What’s wrong Katniss? And don’t say nothing because I know when you are upset. You looked like it felt good. Did I do something wrong?” 

“It was fine Peeta, better than fine. It was just so easy for you that I feel like that wasn’t the first time you’ve ever done it.” He lays back down and cups my cheeks to force me to look at him. “You don’t like that huh? Thinking about me playing with some other girl’s clit?” There are tears forming in my eyes when I shake my head. “Listen to me Katniss” he says in a soft voice and I know he is serious. “I knew about that because of what Haymitch told me and because my older brother Rye took more girls to the slag heap than I thought lived in the district and he never shut up about it. And because I watched him do that before to girl he brought up to our room.” I have to lift my eyebrows at this. “Your brother let you watch him touch his girlfriends like that?” He has the good grace to look embarrassed before continuing “No, but they burst into our bedroom making out one day when I was getting something in the closet so I just shut it most of the way and watched them. I was pretty young like maybe fourteen and it made me feel excited to hear her and see it happen. After that, all I could think about until… well until now was doing that with you.” I am so happy his hands haven’t been on anyone else that I pull him down for a deep kiss before snuggling with my back against his chest for the night. 

My body is tired from the stressful day and relaxed from my first orgasm and I sleep a solid eight hours in his arms. I am blissfully hoping that will start a new trend but it doesn’t. Peeta and I continue to fool around the next few nights but my dreams are still interrupted by terrifying nightmares and I have a couple more vomiting spells. He is endlessly patient as always and has more ways to offer me comfort now that our relationship has turned so much more physical. I am getting used to the idea that he will be my husband; it doesn’t seem so alien now that we are practically living together. 

One night when I am lying in his arms with his hands lazily ghosting over me he pulls my panties aside and starts to rub my clit. That feeling along with a few insistent kisses along the back of my neck and just under my ear have me chanting his name like a prayer. I want him to keep going and bring me the pleasure I have only known from him when he pulls away and scoots down the bed. He has been touching me for a while now with his hands but I haven’t forgotten that first night when he mentioned using his mouth and I have found myself thinking about it sometimes in the woods. More than once this has brought my own hand to my center out where no one else can see. He pulls my underwear completely off and throws them on the floor before kneeling between my legs to examine me. I think that he might ask for permission but he must take the amount of fluid pooling in front of his face as invitation enough because he gently parts my folds with his finger tips and runs his tongue across my clit. I let out a deep moan and reach down to thread my fingers through is hair as he continues with long strokes until finally circling the small nub that he knows brings me the most pleasure. I am climbing towards my orgasm fast and it is by far the most delicious climb I have ever felt but something feels like it is missing. Before I can even think of what I want to ask him for my voice is pleading “I feel so empty Peeta.” In response he pushes one of his big thick baker’s fingers into me and pushes with his tongue so that it touches the inside of my bud. I come harder than I ever have and for the first time I have something for my walls to clench around. If there was ever a chance I would want to be with another man it is over now. 

He wipes his mouth on the back of his arm reminding me despite the feelings coursing through my body that he is still a teenage boy. But he is my boy and I want to claim him forever so when he climbs back up my body and I see his raging erection I pull him down on top of me so that it bumps against my entrance. “Now” I beg him. “I’ll never be more ready than now.” I am not sure what he wanted to say in response because all he can do is let out a grunt when I grab his cock and try to push it inside of me. He has to hold my arms down for a second to still me and I would definitely be more than a little frightened at the gesture if it were anyone but him. Once I still beneath him he reaches down and inserts two fingers into me and moves them around before adding a third stretching me as much as he can. It reminds me why I was scared of this to begin with and my breath picks up more from anxiety than desire until he kisses my forehead gently. “I’ll take you gently darling” he whispers to me. “You have nothing to be afraid of.” His tone and his words calm me and when he can see that I have relaxed again he spreads my thighs wider and inserts his head inside of me. At first it feels great but as he slowly pushes the whole length in I start to feel a stretching and burning. He rubs my clit and whispers crazy things to me with each push forward until he has definitely reached a barrier. I can tell that it is a strain for him to stop because his hair and neck are covered in sweat. He moves his face to the side of mine and whispers that he loves me in my ear before he makes a decisive push and snaps the tender piece of flesh that was holding him back. 

It hurts but it is a wonderful hurt. I can feel him all the way to the back of my wall and I have an insane pleasure at knowing that I belong to him. My arms are wrapped around him and I run them across the muscles in his shoulders before pulling him forward and then pushing him back urging him to start the rhythm that makes every man a prisoner to their desire for a woman. He starts out slow and continues to finger me. But it is his voice that pushes me over the edge “Katniss, you are so tight and wet. I’ve thought about fucking you this way for so long. Say my name again. Tell me you’re mine. No one else will ever fuck you. You are mine dammit. Mine.” His last word comes out almost as a growl and I give him what he wants, shouting his name as my release causes my walls to flutter around his cock for the first time. My nails dig into his shoulder and I bite him there as well before he starts to quicken his pace. It doesn’t take more than a few strokes before I feel him spurt his hot juices inside of me. I had thought since the first time I saw his cum that this would feel gross but in my state of recently fucked horniness I wonder what it would feel like in my mouth. 

Way too quickly for me he pulls out and wipes himself off with his shirt. I can see a tinge of red on him and I know that there is likely a blood stain on the sheet as well. I am no longer a virgin. I know the sweet secrets of men and women now and I am not sorry. If I have to live with what happened in the games and with President Snow and all of the shit the capital still has in store for me at least I can have this with Peeta. They can’t take away the closeness I feel with him. Even if we are being forced to marry and they film him doing this to me a hundred times and for all of their perverse pleasure. He will still be my partner, my lover, my mate. If I have to do all the things that I hate and live a life that isn’t mine at least I can do it with the man who is.


End file.
